A Stroll Through LAUTECH (Episode 2)

        Read Episode 1 HERE

“I need to borrow your note, I was unable to finish my note in class,” I said. I should have completed the statement by saying ‘because I was watching you most of the time’ but I was wiser than that. She asked where I wanted to write it, I said right there. She said she was in a hurry, she could not wait. I said she could lend me till the next day. She said that was impossible because she didn’t know me and she had to read.

So I began to introduce myself divulging all important information I could remember. What is your name? I asked after a few minutes of blabbing my head off. She had started walking away from the hall, towards Under G. I had no problem following because I was headed in the same direction. To be honest, I would have had no problem even if my destination was in the opposite direction.

M. K. O. Abiola Lecture Theatre

In those days, we always used the book collection method to approach a girl we wanted to date. We would go and ask for a beautiful girl’s note when about fifteen of our close friends had complete note and maybe three could even volunteer to write for us. We always wanted to write it ourselves during those moments.

The way we did it, I was sure that many of the girls knew the game we were trying to play. And they just played along. God bless those that played along. For those that didn’t play along, it was easy to save face. She didn’t lend me her note, you would say to four of your friends waiting for you. One stupid Judas among them would let out a maniacal laughter. The other three would try very hard to keep their laughter in and you would just rub your hand on your head. That was how we rolled then.

Which hostel do you stay? I asked Bola. Agbeke villa she said. I told her with pleasure that I lived in Ayinke hostel. I gave her that smile that said ‘I’m a lucky bastard, you know’. We took the same taxi few minutes later. I reminded her that she could lend me her note since her hostel was beside mine. She reluctantly agreed but she needed it before seven. I would definitely bring it to her before seven.

I had written the note and checked every page of the book to see if I could find her phone number somewhere. Something like ‘if found please call 080…blah blah blah’. The only thing she took interest in was writing her name on every few page. I returned her note that evening and asked for her phone number. She gave me but that was the easy part.

She even came to my room few times a week later. We would talk and she would laugh until her belly pained her. But she never kissed me, not even a hug. It was so frustrating. She filled me with hope and dashed it while I was still reveling in it. She was an expert at playing hard-to-get. She never did it in a repellent way. Always in a seductive manner that made you want to do crazy things to get her. Crazy things like selling your left hand which was mostly useful in the toilet. You could survive without it anyway, so far you had her. She was that seductive.

Few weeks later, after I had overwhelmed her with love, I was happy when she said she loved me. She was the dream girl for many guys in our class. I could always feel their eyes following us, or to be accurate her, whenever we walked into the class or out. Few weeks into my education in Lautech, I was fulfilled.

She was classic. With her, I began to imagine that maybe there was one girl that didn’t go to the toilet after all. I managed to hold that belief until months later into our relationship when she called me one morning. She would be unable to come to class because she was seriously purging. “Wao,” I had said. She thought it was because of her absence. She was wrong.

She was organized. She had plans for everything, including socializing and sex. Some days, I’ll ask her to come to my place and she would tell me, without flinching, that socializing was not part of her plans for the day. One day, she showed me a page in a notebook where she wrote her plans for the day just to show me that socializing was absent on it.

Any day she had socializing on her plans though, I was a lucky guy. She was so fun to be with. She was someone who did things wholeheartedly or did nothing at all. She would even go to watch football matches with me. How would a guy not love such a girl?

She arrived school early, much earlier than I did, and always got a space for me beside her. She was a girl I really cherished – I still like her – until things went awry when we got to 200 level.

“With you,” Dayo said, “things always go awry.”

“It wasn’t my fault,” I said. It was the truth. With girls as beautiful as that, there was always one guy somewhere else who had a better game than you, probably as handsome as you, had more money than you and wanted the girl. I don’t know what a guy told her but she started losing interest in the relationship. After a time, it became unsustainable. What can I do? I’m only human after all. It was great while it lasted though.

Another feature when I was in hundred level were guys who always came to offer us free advice in the lecture hall while we were waiting for lectures. Some guys with faded jeans and slack-necked t-shirt would talk to us about gpa, cgpa, when most of us had no idea what they meant and some were too stupid to care. They would tell us how important it was to build our cgpa in 100 level because it would be more difficult in 200 level and beyond, which we later discovered was true. At some point during those speeches, or sermons, many were probably asleep while the remaining were bored to death, waiting for something stimulating. In those moments, I would have loved to sleep too but Bola would not allow me. She encouraged complete concentration in class. I know, I was very unlucky in that regard in those days.

Fine building, no student.

After the powerful advice, they would go on to their main reason for coming. Some would invite you for a tutorial organized by a fellowship. Many would invite you to a training. ‘How to make $2,000 daily online as a student’, ‘How to buy a brand new laptop for ten thousand naira’, ‘How to create a fully-functioning website and start making money on it TODAY’, ‘How to make one million by investing five hundred naira in just one week.’ According to them, all these things were easy to carry out, low stress, and accompanied by big rewards.

“You still remember those people,” Dayo said with a smile.

“How can I forget them?”

Some others would come to market books. ‘Tutorial book for MTH101 and 102’, ‘Get 99A in MTH101’, as if the writer got it, ‘How to get 5.0 CGPA without stress’, ‘How to be a champion student’, ‘How to make it in life without pain’, ‘Get 5.0 CGPA without reading in the night.’ The funniest title I heard was ‘Study in Lautech without stress’, which we later discovered was a big fat lie. Whoever wrote that book had never heard the word laustress.

We endured so much suffering from these marketers that we found a mini-solution. Normally, they would start by chanting ‘greatest Nigerian students’ and we would reply ‘great’ followed by ‘greatest Ladokites.’ Then they would launch into their story. But one day, as one of them climbed unto the podium and said ‘greatest Nigerian students’, some students at a corner shouted ‘How much?’ And we had our own reply. God bless the person who thought of that idea.

Dayo was smiling as I told him my experiences because he could relate to most of them.

When we got to hundred level then, most of us were naïve. Especially the ‘jambites’ who were mostly fresh from secondary school and had no experience of pre-degree. Many, including me, expected that the lecturers would be like our secondary school teachers, meticulous and caring. The lecturers were only too happy to tell us that it would be a fatal mistake to compare them to our secondary school babysitters.

When we had lectures then, for instance physics, don’t ask me why I picked physics, and students continued to shout ‘we don’t understand’, the lecturer would smile while shaking his head pitifully. But when students continue to complain, he would get angry and start.

“You think you’re still in secondary school? Go to that gate,” he would say pointing to the direction of the main gate, “and check. It is Ladoke Akintola University of Technology not Ladoke Akintola secondary school of Technology. We don’t have pampers here to take care of your immaturity. You have to be responsible. We don’t breed irresponsible students here. You have to read, read, and read. Not until you’re tired but until the book is tired of you.”

By the time we got to 200 level, we didn’t hear those advises again because we had learnt our lessons.

“What of your girlfriend?” I said.

“She is pregnant.”
Read Episode 3 HERE
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